Fanfics about 48
by Jicklet
Summary: A scene from Alloran's POV, an old Hork-Bajir story -- which now I strongly disapprove of, but I've left it up as a document of my past -- to clarify it, and the after-last chapter of the book. Spoilers for #48 and earlier books, including EC.
1. A Poolside Myth

There were a lot of stories told beside Yeerk pools everywhere, and in the  
two free valleys, too -- one on Earth, and one on the Hork-Bajir home world.  
One of these stories was about the spells the old Tila Fashat used to cast.  
  
For most of her life, these spells weren't anything interesting. Tila simply  
wished good things for her valley and for the other valleys, and her wishes  
usually came true. Just like the wishes of the other Hork-Bajir. They were  
simple wishes, that the children should be healthy and happy, and grow old  
and learn a lot, or that the old Hork-Bajir should live for a long time, and  
stay strong, and have no pain. And smaller wishes, too. That the trees should  
grow tall and have tasty bark, or that the snakes and lizards should stay in  
the Outside, even at night. Simple, peaceful wishes.  
  
Then the Yeerks came.  
  
Tila Fashat wished good for them, too. That they should meet friendly people to  
help them, to teach them and learn from them. That they should find voluntary  
symbiotes. (Tila probably never said the words "voluntary symbiote", but she  
made it very clear she did not want the Yeerks to be blind.) Tila also wished  
that they should never see Kandrona starvation. She kept this wish even when  
she was killing Yeerks herself.  
  
Because she saw the innocent victims and the danger. She fought the Yeerks  
along with everyone else, and she followed Dak Hamee and Aldrea faithfully.  
  
And when she saw the evilness of one Yeerk or another, then she cursed it.  
One Yeerk at a time, only when they deserved it, never the whole species.  
  
She cursed Alahar so children and animals wouldn't trust him. She cursed  
Arklan so he'd find no help from strangers. She cursed Carger so he'd be  
swept aside when he turned old.  
  
On Akdor 1154 she put a horrible curse. She knew that Akdor had abused the  
gifts Seerow had given him, and had chosen to forcefully take things that  
nobody had given him. Tila cursed Akdor to never receive a gift in his life  
again.  
  
This curse was fulfilled. The Hork-Bajir did not give Akdor the gift of his  
life. They killed him with a captured Dracon beam.  
  
Tila knew Esplin 9466, too, of course. She cursed him, so everyone should  
see his evilness from far, far away. And even if there was or would be  
something good in him, everyone should see the evilness very soon and very  
clearly.  
  
Tila Fashat survived very far into the war, always helping the innocent and  
working against the harmful.  
  
Then the great things that the Andalites had, they were called ships, they  
flew up. And always just further up, and they disappeared in the Sky. And  
what was going on?  
  
Then Dak Hamee and Delf Hajool came running, but Delf quickly explained that  
she was Aldrea, so Tila should listen to her, because she had been an  
Andalite, wasn't anymore, but she knew what the Andalites had done. And Tila  
should run, too, because it had taken Gah Fillat already!  
  
Tila just stood there for a moment. Then she reached up to her head, and  
swept her horns off. Just swept them right off her head.  
  
Then she started running, swinging through the trees, with a speed she  
hadn't been able to show in years. She kept calling back to Dak and Aldrea,  
that they shouldn't try to help her, that they should stay far away from her!  
(She didn't know they had natural immunity.)  
  
Tila told Dak and Aldrea to save themselves and the other Hork-Bajir, and  
that's what they did. They started running in the opposite direction, but  
they could still see Tila, although there was becoming less and less of her.  
And they heard what Tila was calling out to them, warnings and good-byes and  
hopes and good wishes. And they also heard what else she was calling out.  
  
"The one who could think of this, he should live to see peace!" Tila Fashat  
said bitterly. "That's what I wish for him, that he should live to see peace  
yet!"  
  
That was all she said, and she quickly went back to talking to and about her  
loved ones. But then she soon got out of hearing distance. And soon  
afterwards, she disappeared from the eyes of Dak and Aldrea.  
  
And then she disappeared completely.  
  
Dak and Aldrea gave Tila's messages to the other Hork-Bajir. They also told  
them about her strange wish for Alloran.  
  
But they couldn't say why Tila had said it. Had she maybe thought peace  
could make Alloran into a better person? Or back into a better person?  
  
Or rather, had she meant for him to see the whole war before peace came?  
  
Maybe. This was why this wish was also referred to as "Tila's *curse*."  
  
But why would someone like Tila wish war on anyone? To make him see how  
wrong he had been? Or just as punishment?  
  
It could have been. But then again, Tila might have just pitied Alloran, and  
wished peace for him. It would have been typical of her.  
  
  
  
This story was told for years among Hork-Bajir and Yeerks. They all  
remembered it and passed it on, because they found it important.  
  
And then it became even more important, because then there was an  
Andalite-Controller. And he just kept on being. Despite every effort from  
Elfangor, and later from his brother Aximili.  
  
Elfangor had tried his very best, and Aximili was still trying. So were many  
other warriors, Andalites and humans and others.  
  
But all in vain. The Abomination lived on to cause sadness to everyone.  
  
Tila Fashat wouldn't have wished that. Not on the galaxy, but not even on  
Alloran.  
  
Tila had died a horrible death. And she knew how many Hork-Bajir -- adults,  
children and babies -- would die the same way. But Tila didn't believe in  
revenge. And though she did believe in punishment, she didn't think Esplin  
9466 was the right way to punish anyone.  
  
If Tila had still been alive, she'd have wished for things to be different.  
For the galaxy's sake, but even for Alloran's.  
  
But Tila was dead for the known reasons. And her spell lived on.  
  
At least that's what they told beside Yeerk pools everywhere, and in the two  
free valleys.  



	2. Stalk-Eye View

Let's state something right at the beginning. I do not believe in mythical creatures like the   
Ellimist. He was a historical person, yes, but no being with special powers. Just an ancient   
Andalite like all the rest. A great leader who had brought the people ahead, and a great person.   
But now he's been resting in the good earth for many millions of years. (By the way, this good   
earth is a pretty old-fashioned expression in itself, somewhat like the Hork-Bajir's Father Deep.)  
I had heard the Ellimist since, but that doesn't prove anything. We had been out in open,   
ice-cold space -- soon I would have seen a tail blade against my forehead, too. An oxygen-deprived   
brain can cause such illusions.  
And anyway, it was days after I could last trust my senses. Where would I be if I believed   
everything brought to my mind these days? I don't believe it, and I pay Esplin back dearly for it   
every single time. Let's just say I have my ways for that. It's all just mind games, nothing   
more.  
So it should be clear that where Crayak is concerned, I have enough mass-murderers on my mind   
without believing in him as well. The same goes for the miserable Drode. And no matter how he is   
turning, turning, turning the facts around, I do not believe in Tila Fashat's so-called spell,   
either.  
Yes, there is a trend. A very sad trend. And I don't know what causes it.  
But this trend began at the Yeerks' very first attack. Where I had survived four people. Who   
would have deserved life at least as much.  
It was unfair. It was terrible. It was years before Tila Fashat even knew I existed.  
So the recent events are not her doing, either. There had been an informed decision on the   
yellow-haired being's part.  
Because that being is real. It exists. I'm quite sure of that.  
I don't know about the rest of the scene. But I don't think it was a nightmare. I've never   
really had either nightmares or dreams, but nowadays I wouldn't even have time for them. I spend   
three days on guard, three hours unconscious, and repeat.  
And I don't think it was the result of Esplin's imagination, either. But not because he showed   
the same disbelief -- and then terror -- as I felt. That could have been an elaborate act to make   
it seem real to me. But I still don't think it was one of his fantasies -- it was much too tame   
for that.  
And of course, we hadn't crossed over into some parallel universe of mythological creatures. I   
don't know what delusional mind could even *think* of such a place. It certainly cannot exist in   
reality.  
So I have truly no idea how Crayak, the Drode, the whole driftball field and all the other   
illusions came to be there. But I know that the yellow-haired being was no illusion. It was a   
real person, from ordinary, everyday life.  
And it had made its decision on its own. An informed decision. The situation had been stated   
clearly enough.  
"...Visser One, I desire to test the strength of my new creation. You will fight. To the   
death. If you win, Visser, Earth belongs to you. If my creature wins, you and your band of slugs   
will leave this planet. Immediately."  
I didn't know which would have been worse for Earth. I couldn't know the evilness of the "new   
creation". But I knew the alternative quite well.  
And I knew what would have been best for me, personally.  
But I don't think the giant being would exactly have needed my help against Esplin. The power   
relations were pretty evident to both of us. By then, I had already spent a long enough time   
lying on my arms, on the wet floor.  
But you know how Esplin is. Can't admit defeat. He still tried morphing -- first a Sumarin,   
then a Lazhel. But no use: the yellow-haired one was better at morphing, too. It became something   
that ate Lazhels. I don't know what in this galaxy eats Lazhels, but that creature managed to. I   
wish it would have done it right then, when it still had its rage.  
But Esplin demorphed, and escaped temporarily. But only temporarily, he saw it now. The   
creature had become its giant, yellow-haired form again...  
This is not a fair competition! This creature cannot be defeated!  
No, it couldn't. It would still kill us. And, given the circumstances, I didn't think that was   
the worst that could have happened.   
Crayak! Surely you see that this is unjust. You can't mean for me to die like this!  
It put one of its hands around my neck. This would be it.  
"Finish it," I heard.  
It would be over. And Earth would be free, at least of the Yeerks. This would be best, for   
everyone.  
Spare me!  
The yellow-haired one opened its hand, but closed it again. It was clear what it would do.   
Thank the good earth, at last.  
Spare me, Crayak! I will carry out your orders. Give me the powers you have given this   
creature, and I will do your bidding, whatever it is.  
"Finish it. Hurry," was all I heard.  
My daughters, Jahar...  
But they, too, knew it would be better for me this way. They wouldn't need to grieve. And   
they'd be so much safer than before...  
Mercy. Please!  
Iamtheservant ofthepeople...  
"Finish it! What are you waiting for? Finish it or I will change you to a rat again and you   
will lose everything! Do you hear me? Everything!"  
The creature's grip tightened. It wouldn't be long now.  
"Yes. Finish it. Free the earth from tyranny. And then..."  
"No."  
I dropped to the ground, air rushed into my lungs again. I lay there without moving, my hooves   
four ways, my eyes fixed onto the giant. Waiting for another mythical being to break Tila's   
spell. Break this insane trend.  
"What are you doing?!"  
"I'm one of the good guys."  
This one of the good guys could easily have freed this planet. But evidently, its own precious   
moral superiority mattered more to it.  
"You are a fool! You are a coward. You are weak, sentimental, childish..."  
Yes. Yes.  
I'd known people who wouldn't kill potential hosts, or Controllers, or even Yeerks in their   
natural form -- but us?! The Abomination?! What loss would the two of us have been?!  
"...I have tried to help you free yourself from useless human emotions, but you choose   
captivity instead."  
Back on my hooves. Among the torture equipment. The visserial residence.  
"Human emotions"? That creature had been some sort of a human?  
Esplin was trying to sort himself out. To hope it had all been a nightmare.  
He was also trying to fix the powerful giant's every detail in his mind. He enjoyed the idea   
of such power. I think he was pretending to be the giant. He bent my arms and fingers in such a   
strange way. Esplin likes to play pretend.  
He was making other good use of our memories, too. Replaying them in my mind. He's got this   
method where he doesn't have to feel them himself.  
I saw Crayak's human for the second of what would probably be many times. I saw nothing I   
hadn't seen before, but now I could pay better attention to the details. I wanted to know what   
human it was that could have done this, and I could speculate to my hearts' content. Esplin   
almost never reads my thoughts anymore -- he's no masochist, after all.  
The giant was most likely female, you can tell that with humans by their silhouette. And the   
most important clue was her yellow hair. In this part of the planet, not many humans have hair   
that light. But there are still a few.  
I looked for other clues. The female was taller than average. Her face was youthful, and she   
had blue eyes...  
The voluntary Taylor!  
I don't know how she had come into a decision-making position. Maybe her Yeerk had completely   
identified with her by now, or maybe she'd been freed some way. But this doesn't matter.  
What matters is that Taylor had betrayed her people's freedom in order to keep her people's   
appreciation.  
Nothing special. She'd done it before.  
So this is how it happened. And Tila Fashat had nothing at all to do with it.  
But I think the Andalites would love her story, if they knew of it. It would give them the   
perfect excuse for their cowardice. That they haven't been able to kill one visser for more than   
three sevenyears.  
Three sevenyears, and nothing's changed. They're all still waiting for someone else to do the   
dirty work.  
But unfortunately, I'm not available anymore. 


	3. Chapter 26

A/N: If you want to read a good fic about what happens after #48, then   
don't read this, but read "And the Rain Gently Falls" by Forlay.   
  
  
  
For all my friends who are willing to talk to both halves of a starfish  
  
  
  
I was looking at myself in the broken shard of mirror.  
  
Rachel of the darkness down deep inside. Rachel with the dark heart.  
  
That was me. My heart was me, the real me.  
  
The darkness down deep inside was me. All the rest was simply my conscience.  
It was rules and morals that had nothing to do with me.   
  
I had my dark heart, and then I had the habits I've picked up. The   
meaningless imitation of other people's goodness.  
  
I'd grown up among good, kind, loving people. I automatically acted and  
thought and felt like them. And I'd always believed I was one of them.  
  
For a long time, I had hardly noticed the darkness in me. And later --  
already during the war --, when it surfaced, I still hadn't known that was  
the real me.  
  
Even when I had split into two, I had thought both Rachels were a part of  
me.  
  
They weren't. Mean Rachel had simply shed the emotions that weren't her own.  
  
Caring and compassion weren't a part of her. But fear of herself was.  
  
That was the only reason I had let Visser One escape. For fear of myself,  
for fear of what I would become.  
  
That was the only reason I was scared of killing David.  
  
That was the reason I was so scared now. It scared me that I was just rage  
and hate and the will for power, and nothing, nothing more.  
  
But Tobias! I still had Tobias! And then I had to be something more than  
that, didn't I?  
  
Yes. I still loved Tobias. And I loved Mom and Jordan and Sara and Dad, too.  
And Cassie, and Jake, and all my other cousins. Even Marco and Ax. And I had  
Melissa and many other friends.  
  
I loved them genuinely. Not by following some irrelevant rule. It wasn't  
just that I *should* love them -- I did love them.  
  
Because morals were irrelevant to me, but people were not.  
  
I loved them from all my heart. Not from my conscience. But from my dark  
heart.  
  
I was Mean Rachel, yes. But I could still love and be loved.  
  
I was not one of the good guys. But I could still do the right thing.  
  
I'd do the right thing about David, now. Not the right thing for my  
conscience, but the right thing for everyone.  
  
What was the right thing for the resistance? To get rid of David, one way or  
another.  
  
And what was the right thing for David?  
  
He was telling me that very clearly.  
  
So I raised the broken shard of mirror above him.  
  
And David thanked me, the way they thank truly good people.  



End file.
